I am a pisces sun, gemini moon, and pisces rising. I barely know what that means. To be honest, I don’t even know if I used the correct verb in that sentence (is it “I am a…” or “I have a..?”). I don’t really “believe” in astrology, literally speaking. But I love astrology. And I believe there is utility in astrology. I follow meme accounts on Instagram. I have a pisces symbol tattooed on my left wrist. I’ve been known to drop the occasional, “You’re such a [insert sun sign here].”

But I am also an atheist. I have never been spiritual, or religious. My parents tried their best to make me a Christian, but I was never a believer. I am pretty cynical about belief-systems in general. So why? Why would a self-identified [depressed] atheist be interested in astrology?

Astrology provides me with a language to talk about myself in a positive light.

I have been working really hard recently to improve my self-image. I’ve always had low self esteem. One of my goals is to develop more self-compassion and self-love. In all the emotional work I’ve been doing, I always get tripped up on a lack of language to speak about myself positively. After a lifetime of self-criticism and self-doubt, I haven’t spent much time trying to define the things about myself I like.

Horoscopes and internet literature about astrology and sign-based characteristics use affirming language. They cast a diverse range of personality traits as strengths. The weaknesses, or personality flaws, paired with each sign are typically described through a narrative of self-acceptance. By seeing yourself in these descriptions you feel good about yourself and a connection to other people with a common identity.

Astrology allows me to communicate about my feelings without having to be too vulnerable.

When I see things on the internet that express feelings that I identify with, it’s exciting. This isn’t a unique phenomenon. The flourishing of our meme and gif culture is evidence of our desire to see our inner-most feelings represented through a clever reference or image evoking a common feeling among those who see it.

I’ve never been very skilled at sharing my emotions with anyone. So, when I see a meme that explains one of my feelings by pointing to my gemini moon, it feels validating.

Then, being able to share that meme allows me to share that intimate part of myself in a risk-free way. And anyone who takes the time out of their day to look at my post has the potential to feel a little bit more connected with me (I thought about this because of a meme shared on Instagram from my favorite astrology meme account @crabintwinsclothing). I don’t know if that emotional quality I have really is due to my moon sign. But either way, does it really matter?

Astrology is a conversation starter. And I suck at small talk.

I really have a difficult time meeting new people. I am super awkward at introductions. I don’t do well with small talk. Unfortunately, we live in a world where small talk isn’t altogether avoidable (and I don’t want people to think I’m a dick).

Luckily, the pisces tattoo – easily visible on my wrist – often becomes a great ice breaker (frankly, all of my tattoos are conversation starters, whether I want the conversation or not. But that’s a separate issue). When people see the little black symbol, they automatically have a connection to it. I’m not fluent in astrology, but for the most part its present enough in our culture for me and any random stranger to have some kind of conversation about it. Or, when I’m desperately casting around for a topic of conversation to fill the billowing silence I see the tattoo out of the corner of my eye and latch on. I’m fine being the quirky girl asking you about your sign. In this way astrology serves the same purpose as any other label we choose to apply to ourselves. Queer, feminist, atheist. It helps us drive connections with others who have the same interests, ideas, and identities as us.

I am an atheist. There is no god or afterlife I believe in. But I am also depressed. And as a depressed-person, I reserve the right to use whatever tool I want to drive connections between myself, my community, and the world. Maybe astrology isn’t “real.” Maybe it is “basic” or “trendy.” But if it helps me feel alive, then who fucking cares?