So I spoke my truth. The world knows about my assault and how it’s impacted me since.
So, now what? What do you do when you finally rip open your widest wound and wear it as a badge of honor on your sleeve?
Look everyone! Here it is! All my ugly dirty parts that I’ve been keeping hidden!
Here is what has defined so much of who I’ve been over the last decade! Here’s what I worked so desperately to keep the world from knowing about me!
I put so much thought, so much emotion, and so much preparation into the moment I would finally come out of hiding and speak my truth (about both my sexuality and my assault). And I did it. I finally did it. My story is on the internet and that means anyone who cares enough to find out can know these details about me.
I finally jumped that hurdle.
So, now what?
What do I do now?
Seriously, I’m asking for suggestions.
(Below, find a poem I wrote to express how this all feels right now)
There are certain memories
that fill my guts with wet cement
They weigh me down,
and leave me
to get stale on the shelf
And I feel that
I feel stale
Soggy
Like someone’s dirty bandage
that fell off
and ended up
in the filter of a public pool
These memories
they stall me
I could be on fire
flying high
taking on the world
And, like ingrown hair, one of these memories will start to fester.
Until it’s all I can think about
And all I can see is beige
And my mouth fills with sand
And my will deflates
And my soul becomes hollow
And my guts fill with wet cement
And I’m left
on the shelf
to get stale
An Experiment with Vulnerability 